(Haunt)ologies : BFA Thesis May 2024

Textile statue sewn to look like a person with a tea kettle for a head while in lotus position. It pours stuffing into a teacup headed fabric cat sculpture. Red curtains in the background.
A vintage floral teapot with a handle and spout, decorated with pink roses and gold accents, placed on a white body with red embroidery stitches. The teapot pours white stuffing into a tea cup.
A white stuffed animal with red stitching and fabric patches, laying on its side on a wooden floor. The stuffed animal has an injury on its side, with bulging stuffing and red fabric scraps around it. There's a small bowl nearby containing dark red material, possibly thread or fabric remnants.

Ontologies and Hauntologies

I am not a good Muslim girl.

I am barely a woman.

I interact with other gods.

I am not who I am expected to be.

Red is a symbol of the root chakra, muladhara. Found at the base of the spine, it is the focus of feeling secure and grounded—something that I have never had control over.

I am falling apart.

Red is also family, ancestry sewn into my lifeless white cloth.

No matter how far I try to get from my family, they are ingrained in me. I love them, and yet they tear at me and string me along like cats. Cats are seen as clean. They are able to pass through holy places and pray alongside us. They play in yarn and fluff and rip and maim. They do not see the damage they do. Muslim heritage connects my family through this frayed, cosmic yarn.

I execrate and mourn these blood red connections.

Sitting with this effigy and dealing with these thoughts allows me to work through the discomfort of being. Building layer after layer, stitch after stitch, my 'awrah is held in a dissociated stasis. My repetition casts a spell for any who sees it to perceive my liminality.

I am not my father’s daughter, nor my mother’s son.

I express so much variability that only I may truly know.

Decorative Christmas craft with red fabric, cotton stuffing, and red thread on a wooden surface.
Decorative tea set with floral patterns and cotton stuffing, placed on a table with a red and white tablecloth, against a red curtain background.
Decorative Christmas scene with a sock puppet sitting on a white fabric surface and pouring cotton from a teacup. The puppet has a floral teapot as a head. The background is red with a red curtain.
A corner of a room with a large window, red damaged curtains, an upholstered armchair covered in red fabric, with a cushion on it, beside a white wall and wooden floor.
A stuffed animal or figure with white fabric, red stitching, and red thread details, lying on a wooden floor with a small open container nearby.
Close-up of a handcrafted cloth doll dressed in white with red stitching, lying on a white pillow on a wooden floor, with a small cup of coffee on a saucer in the background.
A QR code on a white background
A mannequin dressed in white with red stitching sits on the floor in front of red curtains. The mannequin is adorned with teapot, teacup, and chandelier decorations. A pink plush sock puppet and several teacups filled with dark liquid are nearby, wit
A stuffed fabric cat with a floral pattern, a porcelain bird with a lace collar, surrounded by cotton and red ribbon scraps on a hardwood floor in a corner.
A stuffed red devil with plush horns and a frilly lace collar lies on a wooden floor surrounded by cotton and red ribbon decorations, with a cup of tea and a spoon nearby.
A broken stuffed fabric toy with a horse head, lying on a hardwood floor surrounded by cotton stuffing and red fabric scraps, in a corner of a room with pink walls.
A whimsical scene with a fabric cat seated on the floor, surrounded by red curtains. The cat is decorated with red stitching and ruffled edges, with a small plush dog and teacups nearby. The decor includes a teacup hat on the cat's head and a teacup